The new age married couple is worried about a new kind of infidelity. No, it is not cheating on your partner with someone else. It is something that could not only destroy marriages but also entire families.
Financial Infidelity: The hidden marriage killer costing Indian couples lakhs. (This is an AI generated image)
In the new age marriages of India, a new form of domestic friction is killing the dinner table conversations. And no, it is not an extra-marital affair. Nor is it an argument over household chores or in-laws. It is the hidden SIP, the undisclosed credit card debt, or the secret cryptocurrency wallet.
We are witnessing the rise of financial infidelity.
What is financial infidelity? It is an act of intentionally hiding financial assets, liabilities, or transactions from a spouse. While it lacks the scandal of an affair, its impact on a family’s long-term wealth compounding is devastating. In many cases, it ends up destroying marriages and families.
Did you know financial issues and arguments is a primary driver of divorces in India?
You see, for generations, the Indian household operated as a single economic unit. The common pot was the rule, usually managed by a patriarch. However, as dual-income households become the standard, the shift toward “yours, mine, and ours” accounts has inadvertently created a veil of secrecy. While financial autonomy is a hallmark of the modern Indian, when independence transforms into cover-up, the family’s balance sheet begins to fracture.
The Safety Gap: Why Partners Hide Money
Why do otherwise honest partners lie about money? In the Indian context, it is rarely about malice; it is about a lack of safety. A husband might hide a Rs 10 lakh loss in volatile F&O (Futures and Options) trading because he fears being labelled “irresponsible.”
A wife might maintain a secret rainy-day fund, a digital evolution of the cash hidden in rice dabbas, as a hedge against household volatility or to support her parents without triggering an argument.
However, these innocent secrets carry a heavy Transparency Tax. When assets are siloed, they cannot be optimized for tax or growth. If one spouse is hoarding cash in a 3% savings account while the other is paying 14% on a personal loan, the family is effectively burning money. In a transparent household, that surplus cash would have cleared the debt, creating an immediate, risk-free 14% return, in a manner of speaking.
By keeping secrets, you aren’t protecting your autonomy; you are sabotaging your collective net worth.
The Friction Gap: How Silence Costs Lakhs
The deterioration of trust is the real cost of financial infidelity.
Time and scale are necessary for compounding. A couple loses the ability to leverage their combined capital when they divide their investments into two separate, uncoordinated pools.
One needs to understand what Friction Gap is to comprehend this better.
Consider Vikas and Soniya as a couple. Fearing that Soniya would want to use the Rs 5 lakh bonus for an opulent trip, Vikas conceals it in a regular savings account. Unaware of this sum, Soniya takes out a top-up home loan for Rs 5 lakh at 9.5% interest to renovate her kitchen.
Now, that Rs 5 lakh in a savings account increases to about Rs 6.7 lakh over a ten-year period. While for the loan Soniya took out, the family pays almost Rs 7.8 lakh including interest costs.
Had they been transparent about this, they could have invested the EMI amount in a Nifty 50 Index fund, used the bonus, and saved the interest. This could have made them almost Rs 48.5 lakh over a 15-year period considering a CAGR of 10-12%.
From Gold Stashes to ETFs: Modernizing Stree Dhan
We must address the cultural elephant in the room. The concept of Stree Dhan (woman’s wealth) was historically a woman’s only financial safeguard in a patriarchal society. In today’s time, this legacy often manifests as a psychological need for secret savings.
While the intent is nothing but security, the execution often fails the modern portfolio. A woman holding Rs 20 lakh in physical gold jewellery, many a times undisclosed to the husband to avoid it being used for business or something else, is holding an asset that has historically underperformed equity (you may disagree with this statement in light of the recent surge in the price of gold, but, in general, the fact holds).
If the couple were transparent, they could have gone for Sovereign Gold Bonds (SGBs) or Gold ETFs, earning an additional 2.5% interest plus capital appreciation, all while maintaining the wife’s sole ownership. Transparency doesn’t need to mean giving up your money; it means powering up your money.
Financial PTSD: The Long-Term Cost of Betrayal
Financial infidelity often leads to what psychologists call “Financial PTSD.”
When a secret is finally revealed, usually during a major life event like buying a house or a medical emergency, the betrayed spouse loses more than trust; they lose their sense of future security.
In India, where family social standing is often tied to financial stability, the revelation of a hidden debt can lead to social isolation and a total breakdown of a marriage.
We are seeing an uptick in grey divorces (divorce after age 50) specifically triggered by the discovery that one partner has depleted the retirement corpus through secret, poor investments or lending money to relatives without consent.
The Monthly Money Date: A Roadmap to Transparency
The antidote to financial infidelity is the institutionalization of transparency. Set up a “Monthly Money Date.” This is not a time for accusations, but a strategic review of your family’s money.
- Reveal Everything: Both partners open their banking apps, trading apps, portfolios, and credit card statements. All of it and be truthful.
- The “Why” Behind the Buy: Discuss the rationale for expenses. Was that Rs 20,000 Zara spend or that Rs 80,000 new television a stress-reliever or a necessity?
- The Shared North Star: Align on goals. Are you saving for a second home or for your kids’ education?
When the goals are shared, the temptation to hide money vanishes. You aren’t reporting to a boss; you are consulting with a partner.
Piggyback on Technology
In the age of Account Aggregators (AA), keeping secrets is anyway becoming harder. New fintech platforms allow couples to link their views without merging their actual funds. This provides the best of both worlds: individual autonomy with total family visibility. Embracing these tools is the first step in moving from a culture of private stashes to unified wealth
Embrace Trust, the Ultimate Asset Class
In the world of high finance, we must value low-friction environments. A marriage is the most significant financial partnership most people will ever enter. Financial infidelity introduces friction that grinds the gears of compounding to a halt.
While a secret account might provide a temporary sense of control, it is a high-interest loan against your future. Real wealth in the Indian context isn’t just about the size of your portfolio; it is about the velocity of your capital, which is maximized only through total transparency.
Stop hiding the receipts. Start building a legacy that can withstand the scrutiny of both the tax department and your spouse.
Disclaimer:
The purpose of this article is only to share interesting charts, data points, and thought-provoking opinions. It is NOT a recommendation. If you wish to consider an investment, you are strongly advised to consult your advisor. This article is strictly for educative purposes only.
Suhel Khan has been a passionate follower of the markets for over a decade. During this period, he was an integral part of a leading Equity Research organisation based in Mumbai as the Head of Sales & Marketing. Presently, he is spending most of his time dissecting the investments and strategies of the Super Investors of India.
Disclosure: The writer and his dependents do not hold the stocks/securities/funds discussed in this article.
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