Changing your existence formula in 2021–economic times

Clipped from: Bedi

Pooja Bedi represents the uninhibited, strong willed, personally and professionally successful modern Indian woman who has donned many hats. Her prolific career spans the worlds of film, television, advertising, media, digital media and entertainment. She has authored “Timepass” (Penguin, top 10 national bestseller 2000) as well as a real life story on female foeticide titled, “born to die”, in the book, “Because I am a girl” (Random house). Through this multiple award winning column, “Heart Chakra”, this liberated, modern, free-thinking individual offers her readers an out of the box, open-minded perspective to relationships. She believes, “when you change your thinking, you change your attitude, and when you change your attitude, you change your life”. She also conducts “HAPPY SOUL” workshops which amalgamate science and spirituality, and lend to healing and empowering people to being the best versions of themselves. She also champions the cause of safe sex, HIV awareness, breast cancer, Poverty Housing, female foeticide and infanticide, and epitomises a woman who constantly seeks to change and take from strength to strength, not just herself, but the world around her. She has been awarded multiple times for all her avatars, be it as a person, a professional and a humanitarian. LESS … MORE

Modern medical science has been the consistent go-to for physical ailments and diseases. When you research it, misdiagnosis is perhaps the 3rd leading cause of death worldwide after cancer and heart disease. What is it about us human beings that enslaves us to a herd mentality without looking at a bigger picture and our holistic well being? Do we view wellness holistically? Do we view our relationships holistically? Do we view the journey of life as a cut copy paste formula be it the fact that we have to be educated, get a job, get married, become parents, become grandparents, retire and finally die? As society evolves, as the planet evolves, as borders open do we stay insular or are we with a fresh set of eyes going to look for new ways to not only live, but also celebrate the journey of life? The lockdown made everyone aware of the ridiculousness of “keeping up with the Joneses” or for that matter the need to people please or bow down to pressures of relatives and established conduct. So many who had weddings during the lockdown heaved a sigh of relief that they didn’t have to endure massive bills as guest lists were limited and festivities toned down. The doing away of pressure to perform, pressure to please, pressure to conform to pre-set standards and the pressure to “live up to expectations” was one of the biggest blessings of 2020. What needs to be understood is what all of this created in our heads and hearts and how are we going to incorporate what felt good into our 2021 as well. Is it new year, new beginnings or new year back to old redundant ways? It’s time to view life holistically. Wellness is the new mantra with a focus on our emotional, social, financial, sexual, mental wellbeing being as important as the physical. It’s said prevention is better than cure, so as you research ways to increase your daily wellness quotient let it also be about preventing yourself from reverting to emotional and social patterns that caused more conflict than joy. In the end, its each one of us who has to be self-empowered and proactive about our journey of life. Well-oiled wheels have stopped spinning and gears have changed, it’s such an incredible gift that 2020 has given us; the ability and opportunity to start afresh!

1. The pandemic has made me extremely emotional, and I can’t help but wonder if I would have been able to work on my past relationships if I had this much time and bandwidth earlier. I find myself reaching out to those long-lost lovers, trying to rekindle the fire. Somewhere I know I may not go through with the relationship when things go back to normal, but I can’t help myself. Please help me make sense of this phase.

The past is a learning curve for the future. Reflection and introspection is wonderful for catharsis and its okay to revisit it if there are unresolved issues, but do so with the intention of putting regrets and apologies in place for your own healing and then move forward. People change with time, and they may not be the same person you fell in love with. You may regret the attempt to reignite it, more than the relationship you had. Use your learnings to create an empowered you for the next relationship you enter into.

2. A boy had a major crush on me back in college, and he recently reached out and confessed. He’s now in Europe and has a good dating life. But now things are looking good for us, too. With this distance amid the pandemic, I doubt if we’ll be able to commit to a relationship. He seems to be hinting in that direction quite frequently, but I don’t want to be the one sabotaging his current relationship(s) when I’m not even sure if it will work out when we meet after so many years. Do I tell him to keep me as a backup and give those other potential relationships and fair shot, or go right in and explore what we have?

Why on earth do you want to be back up? You know he’s into playing the field and he clearly does so by making each woman feel special, and with you it’s no different. Ask yourself what you want in a relationship and if he doesn’t tick the boxes, then control+alt+delete the invitation to heartbreak hotel.

3. Like most Indian families, mine does not favour divorce, too. My husband and I care about each other a lot, but we struggle to like one another. Opinions are overshadowed. Discussion turn into loud arguments. Silent treatment is a normal practice on most days. How do you repair a relationship that doesn’t even exist in the true sense? When do you know it’s the end and you can give up trying? Please guide.

You must go for counselling sessions as the presence of an experienced third person brings clarity and also options for a positive way forward. If both of you want to make things work there is always a way to bring the love buggy back on the road. If the desire is lacking from either side, then it’s only a question of how quickly it sinks into an abyss of disrepair and how long either of you choose to stay committed to it. 


Views expressed above are the author’s own.


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